Christmas vacation is officially over.  And for us, that means that a 3 month homeschool break is over as well.  We took some time off just before Jonah arrived and through the holidays.  There was a lot of learning about all things baby and the break was good for us.  I really thought that returning to our studies and Jonah being 10 weeks old would be good timing.  I thought I’d have my bearings about me.  I thought we’d be closer to a schedule with him and naps.  I thought we’d somewhat have a routine.  BWAHAHAHAHA.  Not even close.  I’ll admit that I’ve cried more than once the last 2 days since we started back.  It’s so much to add to our day.  Our already very full day.  I’m feeling overwhelmed, tapped out, just….spent.  Nursing all day, taking care of a newborn, is a full time job.  Two other little kids at home to keep busy, chase, love on and discipline, another full time job.  The way we eat, the meals we cook from scratch, it isn’t easy.  It’s time consuming, it takes planning, it takes effort, another full time time job.  I wish we could order a pizza at the end of a long day, or drive thru for takeout, but that isn’t our life or possible anymore.  Three businesses, finding the time to actually work….it’s crazy.  Not to mention this is the busiest month of the year for  There is so much going on behind the scenes with it, most of which Jason is handling, but it’s super time consuming in January and even more so this year vs. years past.  I’m so thankful for his help because I’d sink without it.  He’s been working extra hours with his real job too, which means he’s home later and that’s hard.  Three businesses, 4 kids, one nursing newborn, one teenager with teenage size problems, homeschooling, meal prep, keeping up with our house….it’s all catching up with me.  I want to tap out.  I want to hire a second mom to come live with us.  Or a nanny.  Or a teacher.  Or a cook.  I have people say all the time, I don’t know how you do it all.  I don’t!  Jason does so much.  And I still always feel like I have way to much on my shoulders.  Always dividing myself into small pieces for everyone who needs something.  And feeling like no one gets enough or the best of me.  Do all moms feel that way?  How do you cope?

Here’s to hoping we find our new groove after a few more days.